If you’ve been following NFL wide receiver Lucky Whitehead these last few weeks, you know by now that he’s had an awful summer. It all began last Monday when his dog Blitz, was kidnapped by D-list rapper, Boogotti Kasino. Not only that, but Mr. Kasino pulled the move of the year by sending Whitehead a video of him and his dog asking for $20,000 cash. I literally thought ransoms were only in movies so I was shocked to hear this news. I’m not a big dog-napper guy but I do have to give Kasino some credit for starting a possible trend. Dog-napping Saturdays? Fortunately, Whitehead was able to retrieve his dog the next day without any further problems. However, this was just the beginning of Whitehead’s rough summer.
This past Tuesday, Lucky was released from the Cowboys after he was charged with petty larceny for a shoplifting incident that occurred on June 22nd. Turns out the authorities got the wrong guy and Lucky was falsely accused the whole time. By the time the charges were dropped it was already too late for Lucky and he was back on the streets. The amazing thing about all of this is that Greg Hardy was able to play for the Cowboys for an ENTIRE YEAR being a known woman-beater while Lucky gets released for allegedly shoplifting (because NFL players are just so broke that they can’t even afford to pay for a bag of fucking candy). This incident is just another example of the Cowboys being the Cowboys and if having convicts and abusers on their team can help them win then fuck it they’re hired.
Now reports today are saying Whitehead is signing with…the Jets. Getting your dog stolen from you? Rough. Being cut from a team for a crime you didn’t commit? Terrible. But getting signed by the Jets is something I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. After free agency and this past draft, I would say that the Jets have now overtaken the Browns as biggest joke of a franchise in the entire league. This team is a dark hole that nobody should ever have to play for and I just have to feel bad for Lucky at this point. In just two weeks, Lucky Whitehead just became the Brandon Knight of the NFL and coincidentally the unluckiest man in professional football.